CAE 2017 Essay Sample + free feedback

Hello Gustavo,

I´m taking the CAE exam in a couple of moths and I would be very pleased if you could have a look through the essay I´ve attached to this email.

I´ll be waiting for your reply.

Thanks

Berta

Your class has listened to a radio discussion on how more young people can be encouraged to study science. You have made the notes below:

Write an essay discussing two of the points in your notes. You should explain which way would be more effective in encouraging young people to study science, providing reasons to support your opinion.

You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the discussion, but you should use your own words as far as possible.

Title?? (Feedback: Write a title)

It is generally accepted that students today see science as another subject (what do you mean?) and not as a field that could lead them to find a suitable job. In view of this, I shall consider (check) two of the proposed methods, school programmes and government grants as the most effective ways of encouraging students to study science. (Feedback: I suggest that you re-write the intro)

Probably the most important action to be taken could be to introduce nice (avoid using simple adjective like 'nice' ) and appealing school programmes that would enable students to have a clear vision of what could be to study science as a degree. In my view, however for this to be truly successful there should be not only an attractive program but also a well prepared and qualified course.

It has also been suggested that if governments were to invest more on science grants there would be a considerable increase of students applying for a science degree later on. In theory, this sounds good up to a point, bearing in mind that the outcome of this might not always be beyond our expectations. (But what is your idea? how should the government help? who? when? why? )

In view of the above arguments, I believe that it is mostly at schools were students develop their interests and it is there were people should put into action what it has been suggested in order to encourage young students to study science. (How is your conclusion connected with the other paragraphs?)